5 Ways To Have Sex Without A Condom

All jokes aside, I like to have sex without condoms. The past 12 girls I’ve had sex with have all been without a condom, and I’m STD and baby-free. Someone I know has never used a condom and has had sex with over 50 girls. He’s also STD and baby-free. (stay safe having sex and get the same feeling with these Ultra Slim condoms)

The media likes to scare people about the issue of having “safer sex”, and girls tend to get more scared about these sorts of things. Well, I say “scared”, but once they’re in the right mood then their defences and cares dissipate pretty quickly.

I’ve picked up girls in bars and gone home straight after to have sex with them without the use of a condom. I’ve met girls online and had sex with them without a condom, and I’ve had some “flings” with girls all without using a condom. One thing I’ve noticed is that they’ll all mention using one at first, but it’s pretty easy to get them to agree to not using one.

I have problems with condoms. I struggle getting them on and require a special size (extra small, of course) to get them to fit otherwise they’re too tight and don’t roll down. This kills the mood, kills my boner, and has resulted in me not having sex because I wasn’t confident enough to push the idea of not using one.

Here’s a quick list on how to get your end away without having to use a condom:

1) Simply don’t have a condom

That’s right, just don’t buy any. Don’t have any reserves and don’t have a special one tucked away somewhere “just in case”.

Sometimes you can be in bed with a girl and you’ll try to have sex without one, but she knows you have a stash. She’ll want to use one because her “anti slut defence” and “hamster” will kick in so as not to appear as that kind of girl.

When things get heated and she asks if you have any condoms, say “no”. Frustrate her enough from then on by getting her to crave your dick so much so that she doesn’t care about using one in the end. This is my favourite and most trusted technique. Job done.

2) Convince her to get the morning after pill

I don’t want to have a baby, but I want to have lots of sex without worrying about condoms. Despite contrary stories on the internet, I haven’t actually come across any girls that are looking to trap me (yet), but my concerns are strong and I’m very careful not to risk anything.

When a girl gets sexually frustrated and really wants you to fuck her, all you have to do is provide her with an excuse to do it. Living down the road from a pharmacy has helped me massively, because I could convince the girl to get the morning after pill “to be sure” the next day.

Convincing her is easy, especially if she knows you don’t have any condoms. If you’ve had sex with her a couple of times in the night with a condom however, and want to switch to not using one, the “we can get the morning after pill tomorrow to be sure” line works a treat.

The next day, march her down to the pharmacy yourself or demand you get a picture of the pill off of her.

Note: For extra effectiveness, add “I’ll help pay towards it” too, even if you won’t.

3) Flip the script

If you’re a super confident guy like I am, girls will automatically think you’re having lots of sex with lots of girls. They therefore then starting working themselves up into a panic that you may have STDs and will refuse to have sex without a condom with you because of this.

The best way to deal with this is to pre-empt it as if SHE is the one to be concerned about.

I’ll suggest the idea of not using a condom and then ask “but are you clean?” and begin to quiz her about her sexual health. “When was the last time you had an STD check?”, “what were the results?”, and “have you had a check since the last time you had sex?”. I’ll make it seem like a real concern for me.

She’ll get into a defensive mode. Of course she’s clean! She always gets checked! She doesn’t normally have sex without a condom! She hasn’t had sex in a while so there’s been no need to have a check since her last one! Are you clean?!

I give her a look as if to say “stupid question” given my concern before. There. Job done. She suspects you’re clean and you’re good to go. You’ve given her a valid reason to go for it which is exactly what she needed to hear, even if she has her suspicions. Telling her this way will make your story more believable. She just needs a reason to say yes.

Note: For extra effectiveness, tell her the date of your last STD check and how you got your results, even if you never had a check.

4) Just stick it in

Probably the most effective method is to just stick it in.

I’ve had a few girls where I’ve just stuck my dick in them and dealt with with her concerns afterwards. Most girls are too horny to worry about it but if you play it cool and don’t make a big issue out of it, you can just stick it in without complaint.

One girl stands out in my mind. She said we weren’t going to have sex, but we were naked and she was visibly frustrated. I was teasing her with my dick by rubbing the tip up and down her pussy and after a while I whispered to her “shall I just put it in?”. She closed her eyes and didn’t say anything, so I just stuck it in. No complaints whatsoever.

Some girls DO NOT WANT TO SAY YES VERBALLY, but you will know when they’re cool with it. It’ll also keep their reputations intact because they don’t want to come across as “that type of girl”. When she tells her mates about her encounter with you, she can blame you for doing it then because she didn’t verbally say you could. She’ll avoid embarrassment for telling you to do it, her mates will call you an asshole, and she’ll be more attracted to you as a result. Win, win.

5) Find a girl already using birth control

Of all the ways to get a girl to have sex with you without a condom, the best way is to find those special girls that are on the pill or who have an implant.

There’s no way of finding these girls by just looking at them. It’s pot luck.

If a girl is on the pill, she’s got absolutely no intention of having sex with a condom. It’s why she got on the pill in the first place. You may have to use method number 3 just to tip her over the edge, but these girls are good to go straight from the off with their ready made excuse.

Note: For the most effective way to find these girls, buy a sniffer dog to smell for any traces of blood between a girl’s legs.

Fish and Human Playing and Bonding

How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You

The Four Permutations of Love

Previously, we discussed the Passion Trap, and how a lot of relationships tip out of balance eventually… where one person is more in love than the other. Let’s look at all the possible permutations of this dynamic:

1. You have feelings for her, and she has feelings for you, too.
   
   This is the jackpot of love… there is really nothing better to be had (while it lasts). In fact, this might well be the best feeling in the WORLD… it’s the ultimate goal of learning how to make a girl fall in love with you and probably the greatest rush this side of Eden. It’s also a true win-win deal… you are both happy in the relationship, nobody gets hurt, and everything is awesome. Even breakfast cereal tastes better. Really!
2. You have feelings for her, but she does NOT have feelings for you.
   
   This is the OPPOSITE of the jackpot. While mutual love can be the greatest feeling in the world, being in love with a girl who’s not in love with you can also be the most terrible feeling in the world. I know, because I’ve been there… and I’ve even had clients who were in that position with a girl they weren’t even dating!
   
   If that’s you… whether she’s someone you’re going out with who just doesn't feel the same way, or you aren’t even dating her but you can’t stop thinking about her… remove yourself from the situation immediately. As I mentioned in yesterday’s article on relationship jealousy, the rule in dating and relationships is – if it’s broken, don’t fix it. Of course there are relationships that are salvageable, especially if she does have feelings foryou… but if she simply doesn’t feel it, get out. I’ve seen men waste years and years of their lives chasing after one girl who just wasn’t that into them. Unproductive and painful… don’t do it.
   
   By the coin, this also goes for the classical situation in which a girl is stringing a guy along and not making up her mind. A lot of guys feel trapped in this situation. “If she only told me that she doesn’t love me, I could just move on… but she says she needs time to decide,” they say. MOVE ON already! You don’t want to be at her mercy like that. Simply take the decision for her. If there was something there, she will come chasing after you pretty quickly and make up her mind. On the other hand, if you simply accept her wishy-washy position, she may well keep you in limbo forever (or rather, until a man comes along that she IS certain about).Why would she come to a decision if there is no need to, if you give her free reign to keep all her options open, AND still keep you around too?
3. You DON’T have feelings for her, and neither does she have feelings for you.
   
   This is another win-win scenario. You are both just having a good time with each other, meeting up for some good, clean, adult fun. Nothing wrong with that… enjoy. The emotions won’t be as intense as in scenario 1, but it’s still a very positive experience, and most importantly, it doesn’t come with all the negative consequences of #1… attachment, jealousy and drama, but also the inevitable crash when one or both of you fall out of love. I like position #3 best, and I’ve developed a consistent way to create this kind of relationship – I talk about it in Part II of the series onwhat girls look for. You may also want to check out “Don’t Hurt a Girl” and “How to Date Multiple Women” if you haven’t already done so for more on setting up these sorts of relationships properly and in a way that no one gets hurt.
4. You DON’T have feelings for her... but she DOES have feelings for you.
   
   This position feels neutral to you, but it won’t feel very good for her. The most important thing in this situation is to be HONEST. Don’t lead her on… just tell her what the score is. Then, the choice is up to her.
   
   And while it’s possible that this situation is causing her suffering, you need to realize two things: number one, there is nothing you can do to help her – you have as little control over who you fall in love with as girls do. And number two, it’s not your responsibility to break up with her…she’s an adult and if you’ve been honest with her, she knows what she’s doing.
   
   In fact, I’ve certainly been in a relationship once where I was in love with a girl and she wasn’t really in love with me… she had a crush on me, but it was clear that my feelings were far stronger than hers. Would it have been her responsibility to end the relationship to spare me the heart ache? No… in fact, I’m glad she didn’t. We still did end up spending 4 months together, and while it was a bit of a roller coaster, I wouldn’t want to have missed it.

More about the Power Struggle

As we’ve discussed above, the early stage of the relationship is always a bit of an unconscious power struggle. During this phase, the roles of the two partners are being established, and nature is trying to find out whether the man will be the One-Up, or the One-Down… the lover, or the provider - who gets the relationship control.

You want to DISARM this power struggle rather than win it… because it really is a lose-lose scenario either way.

However, it might take a while until you can truly create enough of a connection with her where you’re able to openly discuss everything we’ve talked about here, and where you have enough of a bond with her to address this issue and create a TRUE team dynamic.

So let me give you a couple of tips on what to do in the meantime… how to survive the early stages of courtship. Because you certainly don’t want to fall victim to HER games and suddenly find yourself in a One-Down position.

How to Make a Girl Fall in Love with You

Here is the way to become a One-Up in a relationship - here is how to make a girl fall in love with you. While I don’t recommend you put yourself in that position, as it will destroy the intimacy you could create with her and throw the relationship out of balance, it’s good to have some of these techniques in your toolbox, should you ever need them… in case the relationship is starting to tip in her favor and you need to put some weight on the other scale pan.

• Make her feel out of control.
  This is the simple summation of everything you can do to gain power in the relationship. As a reminder, the One-Down is the one who feels like he has less control in the situation, and so this is the crux of making someone fall more in love.If you chase after her like a puppy, she will fall out of love… no way around it! On the other hand, if you can get her chasing more, her feelings will grow stronger. No way around that either.
• Be elusive.
  Be the one to end calls and dates first. Text and call her less often than she does you. Still show interest though… you need to always give her enough encouragement to keep her chasing. If you’re too easy, she will lose interest like the famous cat that gets bored in a string once it lies dead on the floor and is no longer dangling just out of her reach. And if you’re too hard to obtain, she will feel outclassed and move on. The middle ground between the two extremes is the place that will COMPEL her to chase.
• Be mysterious.
  
  If she asks you a question you don’t want to answer, you don’t have to answer it. That rule ALWAYS applies in dating… but you can take it up a notch if you want to tip the scales a bit more in your favor. If she asks where you’ve been, you don’t owe her an answer… she’s not the KGB. And if she asks if you’ve kissed any other girls, cheekily ask her which body parts she means?
• Be unpredictable.
  
  Another way of making her feel that she doesn’t hold CONTROL over you. Remember, being in love is biochemically linked to the feeling of being out of control… the same part of the brain processes both emotions, so you don’t want her to feel like she owns you. I’d rather say this one too many times than one too few… so, keep things random. Sometimes message her a couple of times in a row, other times take ages to respond or don’t respond at all.
• Be addictive.
  
  What creates an addiction… or even an obsession? Mixed signals! Women know this intuitively, and many are VERY good at playing this game with guys. They are experts at playing the “come here… no, go away” game. Do some of that. You don’t even have to take it to any extremes… showing a lot of interest one day and then dropping completely off the radar for a while, only to throw her another bone once you’re back is plenty and will do the trick just fine.
• Be a challenge.
  
  We humans, as a species, always want what we can’t have. If you give children a blue toy, a red toy and a yellow toy, they are likely to pick each of them equally often. But if you tell them they can’t have the red toy, it suddenly becomes the only one they’re interested in. And you can be the red toy. Be the guy she can’t quite control… this creates a gravitational pull. Because just like we WANT what we CAN’T HAVE, we also DON’T want what we DO have. Think about it… if you want a pizza, that implies you don’t have one. If you have a pizza, you probably won’t want one if I offer you one.

It’s absolutely crucial that you’re not a dick about this… if you cancel a date, be polite. If you’re unavailable for a while, apologize. She invites you to come out on a date, and you decline… but you’re nice about it, because you’re just busy. Being a dick kills your attainability - and drives you too far in the direction of auto-rejection. A lot of guys mess this up and push women away unknowingly when they're first trying to get used to being in control in their relationships and first figuring out how to make a girl fall in love.

And there’s one more reason why you don’t want to go overboard and be an out-and-out dick here, too:

Since women are experts at playing these kinds of games themselves, they’re also really, really good at spotting them. Ideally, you want all of this to be an authentic part of who you really are, and something that naturally flows from the way you live your life. If you really are what girls look for, you won’t have to pretend to be a bit of a flake because you will naturally be too busy to chase after her.

How To Make a "How to Make a Baby"

, which is a fancy term for stop-motion animation done with real people instead of puppets. We shot it, frame by frame, with Raquel's Canon DSLR over a period of nine months. Those of you who stopped by our house might have noticed some mysterious tape marks on the floor in the living room. Those were for the camera tripod and our feet.

Animating over such a long period of time, using an increasingly pregnant woman as one of your puppets, means basically throwing out everything you might normally do in an animated film. For example, early on, we had this idea that we should wear the same clothes every time, for continuity's sake. But as Raquel's pregnancy developed, we soon discovered that the extra effort required to change in and out of our uniforms was going to interfere with the goal of shooting as many frames as possible, and might even prevent us from finishing the project at all. We dialed down the perfectionism, and in the process ended up having a lot more fun with it.

What emerged was a style you might call WYGIWYG: What You Get Is What You Get. Instead of forcing ourselves onto a brutal daily schedule, we simply shot whenever we felt like it, which ended up being about three or four times a month. And instead of planning ahead very carefully, we just improvised each night, based on a loose idea in my head that the breaths would require more and more effort each time. Rather than try to get a single frame exactly right, we'd shoot several frames of "coverage", with both of us in various positions. My hope was that the random uncontrollable variations in posture, clothing, etc. would kind of cancel each other out in the end.

This scattershot approach turned out to have a nice side effect: the 360 or so frames of raw footage had hundreds of possible interpretations, depending on how you shuffled the frames. So "animating" became a matter of choosing which frame would follow which, and for how long. I did this part mostly in After Effects.
The raw footage was really messy. A lot can happen in nine months' time. The tripod got knocked out of place. Plants, lights, books and curtains shifted around. Incandescent bulbs burned out and got replaced with compact fluorescents, with a totally different color spectrum. But I was able to correct for most of that using AE's motion tracking and color stabilization tools. It still ain't perfect, but again, perfection was not the goal here, I just wanted it to be stable enough not to distract from the main action.
All of the images you see were captured in-camera. There were no synthetic elements. But I did "cheat" a little on two things: the curtain in the background is a separate layer, as is the bookshelf on the left. (They were just too distracting in the raw footage, so I animated and stabilized them, respectively.) The "explosion" effect is actually a birth ball, again added as a separate layer, partly to hide some weird shadows left behind when I split the frame in half to get the timing right on both me and Raquel.

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How to Control Anger: Seven Quick Tips

Some people are prone to rage more often than others, but anger is a feeling that many of us could use a bit of help in handling. The choices we make when angry can often come back to haunt us, but the cycle can be hard to break. Anger has power—but there are healthy and unhealthy ways to deal with that power, from letting it control you to wielding it in a way that spurs you on to something positive. Here's how to tame your inner raging bull:

1) Own It. Pretending you're not angry—especially while exhibiting nearly cartoonish physical signs of anger—does no good for you, the target of your anger, or your blood pressure. Many people think that to acknowledge anger is the same as acting inappropriately on it. That's simply not true, and the difference in those two concepts is huge. Admitting that you are upset, whether to yourself, or as calmly as possible to the person you're in conflict with ("I admit I seem to be getting upset here. I want to resolve this and not do anything I regret, so I am going to try to slow down.") can validate your feelings. This in turn can help you feel more empowered toward working toward a solution, and  it will also diminish the conflict within yourself.

2) Break It Down. So you're still simmering after your yearly review? If you jot down some of your thoughts, whether with prehistoric pen and paper or with an app du jour, you'll gain some clarity as to how they're serving as the antecedents to your feelings. In the process, you can sort out why you're upset and what steps you can take work through the situation. Perhaps most important, putting your feelings into words can make them feel more tangible, and therefore more manageable—which can eventually help them work their way out of your system.

3) Move It Out. As physical signs go, anger can look very similar to other forms of arousal, like anxiety or even excitement. Calming those physical impulses, or giving them someplace useful to go, can help you get your anger under control. Slow down your breathing through several long, deep breaths. Loosen your muscles through clenching and unclenching your fists and slowly doing a neck roll. If you can use that arousal for good rather than for clocking someone in the face, you'll be better off. So channel that rage into an activity that can release tension: running, kickboxing, dancing, jumping rope, or even just beating your fists against your chest like a gorilla. A primal scream can be helpful if you are blessed with the space. Instead of letting your frustration burn you up, you can burn it off. And if it comes out in the shape of tears, or even demonic laughter? Just let it.

4) Find The Big Picture. If you're still feeling steamed from that interaction with your colleague or that snarky tone from the person in line at the coffee shop, it might be time to make a list of the things you're grateful for. Gratitude meditations, or just sitting and focusing on what's right in your life, will make what you're angry about seem more molehill than mountain. You might also choose to think about the person whom you think has wronged you, and imagine what unique challenges they may be reacting to. Think about the ways that they could use some empathy, and try to mentally give it to them—that can often neutralize anger.

5) Share—carefully. If there is a friend or loved one you trust, sharing your feelings with them can sometimes be cathartic. But be aware that not everyone is equipped to hear difficult feelings in a healthy, supportive way. Some might just not be good listeners, and could just try to bottle up your emotions for you. Others might try to fan the flames, like audiences in a gladiator match.

6) Act. If someone drove poorly on the freeway, you'll simply move on, eventually. But if you're part of a toxic relationship or the victim of a serial aggressor, you'll need to do what you can to chart out steps to improve the situation. A specific plan of action with methodical goals, and the pathways to get there, can lend a very important sense of control, reducing your stress and increasing your peace.

7) Be Watchful. Sometimes things may seem to be resolved, but rage still lingers residually, in the form of irritability, insomnia, or even depression. Increasing yourmindfulness via your awareness in the moment of your thoughts and feelings, and the triggers that seem to cause them, can serve as an early warning system for future conflicts. It can also help you determine if your anger is due to something deeper that could benefit from talking to a professional.

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Plus, the 13 questions you should be asking your partner BEFORE you get married.

There are a lot of myths about divorce that keep infecting our society. For starters, despite what we’ve heard, the divorce rate actually is not 50 persent  In fact, that number is actually one that was a projected number based on the fact that the divorce rates were on the rise in the 70s and early 80s.

The reality, according to a piece by the New York Times this past December, is that divorce rates are dropping, meaning “happily ever after” is actually a pretty good possibility.

 We spoke to therapist Susan Pease Gadoua and journalist Vicki Larson, authors of the eye-opening book about marriage, The New I Do: Reshaping Marriage for Skeptics, Realists and Rebels, to get their take on modern marriage, the myths about divorce, and the expectations and facts that come with both.

Here’s what Gadoua and Larson had to tell us.

1. One in two marriages end in divorce
As I wrote above, that 50 percent statistic is wrong and was based on a projected number that is far too outdated. I mean, the 70’s were 40 years ago, and a lot has changed since then. While divorce rates increased in the 1970s and 1980s, they’ve actually dropped in the last 20 years.

The New York Times found that 70 percent of marriages that occurred in the 1990s actually reached their 15th year wedding anniversary. Statistics also show that thanks to people marrying later in life, maturity is helping to keep people together longer. At the rate that things are going, there’s a good chance that two-thirds of marriages will stay together and divorce will be unlikely.

So if the divorce rate isn’t 50 percent, what is it? It really depends on when couples married, explains Vicki. “Just under 15 percent of those who tied the knot in the 2000s have divorced, but many of those couples may not have had kids yet—kids add stress to marriage. Of those who married in the 1990s, 35 percent have split. Those who married in the 1960s and 70s have a divorce rate in the 40-45 percent range. And those who married in the 1980s are approaching a 50 percent divorce rate— the so-called gray divorce.”

2. Divorce harms children
According to Gadoua, divorce can be stressful on kids, but not so much harmful. What does the most damage is parents fighting in front of the kids.

“Think about it. Who likes to be around conflict all the time? Tension is contagious and kids in particular don’t have the tools or defenses to handle angry exchanges from their parents. There is a great deal of research indicating that what children need more than anything is a stable and peaceful environment. That may be with parents living together, but it can also occur when parents are living apart. The key is that parents get along and stay present for their children. Kids shouldn’t be caught in parental crossfire, used as a pawn or treated like a surrogate spouse. They should be able to relax and feel confident that their parents are in charge,” explains Gadoua.

3. Second marriages are more likely to end in divorce
While statistically this is true, Living Apart Together (LAT) marriages and things like conscious coupling are changing that by challenging the conventional norms of how a marriage should be and providing more options for how married people can live their lives.

Gadoua and Larson encourage couples to explore those options fully. “We’re all for you choosing a LAT marriage—or giving each other space in your existing marriage—because it offers you and your partner exactly what you want: connection and intimacy with enough freedom to avoid the claustrophobia that often comes with living together 24/7 as well as whatever it is that makes many people take each other for granted, whether they’re married or cohabiting.”

More from YouTango: 4 Big Mistakes I Made as a Husband (Psst! I’m an Ex-Husband Now)

4. Divorce equals “failure”
No way. Whether it’s a starter marriage (a marriage that ends within five years and doesn’t result in kids) or a marriage that has stood the test of time, divorce doesn’t mean you’ve failed.

“The only measure we have to determine whether a marriage is successful or not is by how long it lasts. Yet, there are many people who have healthier, better lives after divorce. Perhaps the couple has raised healthy kids who’ve flown the coop and now they want to take a different direction in their lives. Why is that a failure? Look at Al and Tipper Gore. The media was clamoring to place the blame somewhere, yet there was no one and nothing to blame. Their marriage simply ended with both of their blessings,” say Gadoua and Larson.

5. Wedding size and cost relate to the length of a marriage
Earlier this month The New York Times published a piece on the correlation between the size and cost of a wedding and its effect on the length of a marriage. While the authors of the study, Andrew Francis-Tan and Hugo M. Mialon, said that wedding expenses and marriage duration could be “inversely correlated,” they couldn’t pinpoint which wedding, expensive or inexpensive, would have a higher chance of divorce.

Gadoua and Larson agreed, in a roundabout way. Although lavish expenses on an engagement ring and a wedding could mean the marriage will start off with a lot of debt, and nothing strains couples more than money, “What our studies and what research by others seem to indicate is that personalities — being empathetic, generous, appreciative, etc.—and matched expectations are much better gauges of whether a marriage is going to last happily.”

6. You can (and should) divorce-proof your marriage
As Larson wrote in an essay for Divorce360, “you can’t affair- or divorce-proof a marriage because you can’t control another person’s behavior, you can only control your own.”

When we asked her about this topic she explained: “You can’t control your partner’s behavior and if you could that would be really dangerous! You can be the best possible spouse and do all the things relationships experts recommend — from dating your spouse to having great and frequent sex to being a supportive, appreciative partner—and still end up divorced.”

Larson also added that you shouldn’t even want to divorce-proof your marriage, because sometimes it’s healthier to let go and move on.

7. Living together before marriage lowers the chance of divorce
It has often been said that those who live together before marriage are more likely to divorce, but recent studies say that’s not true.

A 2014 study by associate professor Arielle Kuperberg from the University of North Carolina at Greensboro found that contrary to myths that either living together or not living together before you’re married actually has nothing to do with whether or not those couples will divorce. In her research, Kuperberg found what really plays a role is just how young these people decide to cohabitate, because “settling down too young is what leads to divorce.”

LAT marriages also are throwing a wrench in the correlation between cohabitation and its effects on divorce. Couples, especially older ones, are choosing to live apart, but manage to keep their marriage very happy, healthy, and alive.

More from YourTango: 4 Big Mistakes I Made as a Wife (Psst! I’m an Ex-Wife Now)

8. Infidelity breaks up marriages.
While it’s easy to say that infidelity is the major cause of marriages ending, that isn’t always the case.

As Eric Anderson, an American sociologist at England’s University of Winchester and author of The Monogamy Gap: Men, Love, and the Reality of Cheating told Larson, “Infidelity does not break marriages up; it is the unreasonable expectation that a marriage must restrict sex that breaks a marriage up… I’ve seen so many long-term relationships broken up simply because one had sex outside the relationship. But feeling victimized isn’t a natural outcome of casual sex outside a relationship; it is a socialized victimhood.”

9. If you’re unhappy at a certain point in your marriage, you’re going to get divorced
Marriage isn’t easy. It’s something that requires a lot of energy, understanding, and most importantly communication. Just because you’re unhappy at a certain point, doesn’t mean divorce is inevitable – every marriage has a bad patch.

But if that bad patch is more than just a patch and you’ve really given it your all, including attending couples counseling (“three or four sessions aren’t enough,” says Gadoua) for several months or a year, then maybe it’s time to call it quits. However, a short-lived unhappiness doesn’t warrant an end.

LAT Marriages & Parenting Marriages: Two modern relationship models you need to know about.
There’s no doubt about it: the shape of marriage is definitely changing. Gadoua and Larson discuss several alternative couplings that are becoming more mainstream in their book. These are two less-traditional marriages that are undoubtedly becoming more popular.

“LAT relationships are pretty big in Europe, especially Great Britain, and are also growing in the States. For young people, it generally is a reflection of  the so-called emerging adulthood period, when they’re spending more time in school and building careers,” Vicki explains. “But for older people, who may be divorced or widowed, it’s more a reflection of their desire for commitment and freedom, and also, especially for women, a way to not fall into gendered patterns of housekeeping and caregiving.

As for couples who get together to co-parent, some may be romantic partners, but that’s not always the case. “There are websites like Modamily.com just for that purpose,” says Vicki. “We interviewed a couple that was committing to each other and their child for 18 years, with an option to renew, so they could give their child the stability and consistency children need to thrive.

Couples may even transition their traditional marriage into a parenting marriage. “Some couples that are not happy after kids come along and might have divorced in the past are opting to convert their marriage into a parenting marriage,” say Gadoua and Larson. “They stay in the same home and remove the romantic equation from their partnership, which reduces conflict while allowing each of them to spend time with the children. This week alone, Susan helped two couples transfer their marriage from traditional to parenting.”

Forgiveness: Food for Health & Happiness

My common sense says that the anger, resentment and blame that many people hold on to, often for years, account for a lot of health problems, and learning how to forgive could prove to be curative and preventative.

“Forgiving and releasing old hurts from your system is like taking a mental and emotional bath,” says HeartMath founder and stress researcher Doc Childre. “Notice how people bathe their bodies on a regular basis, yet they will store negative, toxic junk in their mental and emotional natures for years without a cleanup.”

Negative emotions, such as anger, resentment and blame, can cause stress to build up in the body; where there is excessive stress, there is the potential for all sorts of physical, mental and emotional problems. Most notably, elevated stress levels can impair the body’s immune system, putting you at risk for heart disease, chronic pain and depression, among many other debilitating conditions.

A Philadelphia-based nonprofit believes the failure to forgive, what it calls “unforgiveness,” is a major problem in the world today. “We believe that unforgiveness is one of the most destructive problems of our day,” the organization, Release!, states “Unforgiveness can ruin our relationships, rob us of our happiness, and even impact our physical health. Unfortunately, unforgiveness is also one of the problems that is most likely to be ignored and dismissed.

“It is a problem, however, that people have the power to solve, by learning to forgive,” Doc Childre said, stressing that, “it is not something you can learn overnight.”

I have found in my life that to forgive, people need to dislodge their judgments, even before they fully understand why things happened. But most people want to understand why someone “wronged” them before they forgive. It’s a Catch-22 situation. This is what makes forgiveness so difficult and why people so often fail at it. After a while it seems easier to live in a state of pout, disdain, or resentment than to try the forgiveness process again.

But we can’t approach forgiveness as some sort of obligation. Forgiveness as an act of duty is not effective. It can leave you feeling as if you’ve done some good, but can mask over the resentment, rather than release it. Telling yourself, “I know I should forgive,” is not the same as forgiving. If there is no genuine feeling behind it, then your forgiveness lacks the sincere heart intent and commitment to release someone cleanly at mental, emotional, and cellular levels.

Nor can we approach forgiveness with the attitude of doing someone a favor. It’s important to remember that you’re the one who comes out the most by releasing the emotional baggage. Forgiveness upgrades your mental, emotional and physical well-being by reducing the neurochemicals that drain and debilitate your system.

“Forgiveness is the fragrance that the violet sheds on the heel that has crushed it.” ~ Mark Twain

The following exercise created by Doc Childre can help you discover a deeper level of your heart power, where feelings such as compassion, tolerance, understanding and forgiveness reside

Forgiveness Exercise

• Think of a person or situation you have resented and want to forgive completely.
• Send all of the thoughts and emotions that come up in your head about the person or situation – “this includes past associations, memories, anger, hurt, resentments, etc.” – gently to the heart. As often as these thoughts or feelings pop up in your head again, simply send them to your heart, which is the clearinghouse for your emotions.
• At the same time, try to feel and send heart energy, love, compassion and forgiveness to the person or situation.

Special Notes about the Exercise:

You may have to practice this exercise a few times to bring the old head thoughts under heart management. With heart management, you are actually contacting a different level of intelligence within, known as heart intelligence. Heart intelligence has the power to quickly release old resentments and hurts, change your perceptions and bring you to a satisfying understanding of the situation.

Forgiving yourself can be the hardest thing to do. Often people feel that they must remember their wrongdoings and beat themselves up for it, or they will not learn from it. The opposite is true.

Often people feel that they are doing “good” by sustaining self-guilt. This is not true and creates a steady running stress deficit within their system. As you practice forgiveness from the heart, not just the mind, you clear the energy drains and reset your system for a fresh start. Sustaining guilt translates into increased aging which moves fast enough on its own.

It’s understandable that it’s hard to forgive yourself or others at times, yet practicing this exercise and making a genuine effort to do so from the heart really can help things work out better for all concerned. I’ve found this to be true in my life and would love to hear your stories of forgiveness.

Hidden Benefits of Tai Chi in the Bedroom

Increased circulation, lower tension and heightened sensitivity are just a few of the hidden benefits of Tai Chi for your sex life.

Tai Chi Chaun can be translated from the Chinese characters as the “supreme ultimate force.” It is thought to be associated with achieving the duality and balance of ying and yang (male/female, active/passive, dark/light, forceful/yielding, etc.).

Modern Tai Chi practice has been described as a moving form of yoga and meditation. The sets performed in Tai Chi consist of a series of movements, many derived from martial arts, performed slowly with smooth, even transitions.

The benefits of doing Tai Chi are many. The primary aim is circulate chi (a vital force within the body) throughout the system to enhance vitality and health. Practicing Tai Chi has been associated with improved strength, balance, mobility, immunity, flexibility and more.

It has benefits for your sexual health as well. Any type of exercise will have benefits for your sexual health for a number of reasons, but Tai Chi promises its own set of benefits apart from those of regular exercise.

Tai Chi has always been known for increasing sexual appetites and enhancing sexual performance. In the East it has been used as a treatment for impotence and low desire with reportedly successful results.

Chinese medicine practitioners will prescribe Tai Chi to those wanting to restore their sexuality vitality. Tai Chi practices improve the functioning of the kidneys, which are directly related to sexuality in Chinese medicine.

Tai Chi movements internally massage the prostate, bringing increased blood flow to the pelvic area. This increased blood flow in the pelvic region is beneficial for both men and women. The movements also improve the flow of energy between the genitals and the spine.

Tai Chi increases awareness and sensitivity to the body in general. This includes improved sensitivity to the erogenous zones.

The practice releases tension stored in the nervous system, which is believed to block female orgasm.

Increased flexibility and strength will allow you to perform better sexually, last longer and enjoy the sexual experience more.

Tai Chi teaches proper breathing techniques that will aid in prolonged performance, stamina, and more control over ejaculation for men.

Increasing the flow of chi throughout your body will improve your overall health. Without a healthy body, you can’t live up to your full sexual potential.

If you’re looking to improve your overall health, strength and well being, Tai Chi is a wonderful practice with innumerable benefits. A healthy body and mind will have a positive effect on many aspects of your life, including your sexuality.

Everything is connected, if you take good care of your body, mind and soul, you and your partner will reap the benefits in and out of the bedroom.

How to Express Your Feelings to the One You Love

Express consideration. Part of loving someone is wanting what's best for him or her. You can highlight this attitude by asking after your loved one's welfare. For instance, if you know he or she had a hard day yesterday, quietly ask how today is going. If you're running an errand, ask if you can pick up anything for your loved one while you're out. If he or she is facing a particularly difficult situation, communicate that you'd be glad to help out in anyway you can. Using your words to show how much you care can go a long way.

Pay him or her a compliment. A sincere compliment from the heart can be a subtle way of letting your loved one know how much you admire him or her. Pick out a nice physical feature (eyes and smile are always solid choices), personality trait or action to highlight. Whatever you choose, it should be something that makes the recipient feel happy and worthy.

• Know how to deliver a romantic compliment. Though the content of the compliment itself is nice, how you say it counts for a lot. Make the tone romantic by maintaining eye contact and keeping a half smile as you talk - it will make you naturally add appealing inflection to your voice. (Try this trick out when you answer the phone sometime and see if you notice a difference.) Keep the tones of your voice up, but lower the actual volume - speaking softly immediately communicates intimacy, and it can make people lean in closer to hear you. If this all sounds a bit difficult, practice it in front of a mirror. It's a good technique to know

Say "I love you". While you don't necessarily have to do this, it is the clearest way of communicating that you love someone. Here are some tips on making the experience more meaningful:

• Do it in person. Telling someone you love them over text, email or IM doesn't have the same impact as actually saying it out loud. If you can't handle being in that person's presence as you say it, do it over the phone.
• Manage your expectations. Don't let the experience hinge on whether or not the other person says it back. You should be saying it because you want to let him or her know how you feel, not because you need validation or expect something in return. Focus on being happy that you're able to express your feelings and make someone else feel admired.
• Pick the right time. Ideally, the moment that you tell someone you love them should be intimate and free of interruption. Pick a setting in which you can express yourself without feeling embarrassed or worried about someone else intruding.
• Keep the conversation low-pressure. Some people might see an "I love you" as indicating a higher level of commitment. Don't automatically assume the other person is ready to take the relationship to a closer level. Instead, preface your words by saying that you're not asking for anything in return and that you don't want the other person to feel pressured. This will help him or her enjoy the moment without worrying about what might be coming next.
• Maintain eye contact. It might seem terrifying to look into his or her eyes while you spill your guts, but try to do it. It will make you seem more honest and sincere, as well as enhancing the closeness of the moment.
• Don't allow an awkward silence. If the person you adore is quiet after your confession, find a way to start up normal conversation again. Say something like, "You don't have to say anything back. I'm just happy I could let you know how I feel" and carry on as usual. If a reply is coming, it will happen in its own time.

When Selfies Fight Back – Worst Selfies of all Time

Behold the selfie; that bold and wonderful homage to narcissism. What did we all do before we had iPhones and could take photos of ourselves anywhere at any time no matter the circumstances or if good taste was involved? How did we manage to not snap a quick shot in front of a burning building, at someone’s funeral, or in a public bathroom as the guy next to us was taking a whiz? We shutter (rim shot) to think what modern life would be like if we couldn’t document the amazing, the frightening, the absurd.

And speaking of absurd, here are 19 of the worst selfies of all time.

Well, upon first glance at this selfie two questions immediately come to mind. Question number one: why on earth even have a gumball machine if you’re not going to bother keeping it loaded? And question number two: Is it just us or are you mostly focused on the farmer’s tan? Just us? Okay. Wait, one more question: For the love of God will somebody please let the poor dog out of there?!

21 Ways You Can Know That What You’re Feeling Is Really True Love

1. You see something and instead of thinking how happy it makes you, you think about how happy it would make them.

2. You feel more at home with them than you’ve ever felt in your entire life. Even when you were 7 and had all the stuffed animals in the world.

3. You find yourself singing Macy Gray at various times throughout the day.

4. You can get all-out mad or depressed or happy or whatever it is that you are in front of them. And you know it won’t change how they feel about you.

5. Patience: It doesn’t matter how long it takes for them to understand something, you enjoy spending the time teaching or learning from them.

6. You have the option to wear your go-to outfit, but still take an extra five minutes to get ready.

7. You live for their quirks. You love that they take up the entire dance floor when they break a move. You love that you can’t share meals because they hate chicken. You love that they will discuss celebrities like they’re your real friends. You’d much rather have them be weird than anyone else.

8. You still go over to their place no matter how late at night it is and how tired you feel. It’s always worth it.

9. You don’t desire other people. Yes, you might find some of them attractive, but no part of you wants them.

10. Their happiness means more than your own.

11. You willingly give in to the things you normally don’t compromise on.

12. You never grow tired of their company. It’s always just better when they are there. Even if you two don’t fill the silence, you’re content simply knowing they are present.

13. You have moments of insecurity but their reassurance makes you realize it doesn’t matter. Only when they say things will be fine do you genuinely believe it.

14. You associate certain scents with them. Cut grass reminds you of the time after your morning run. Football leather brings you to autumn evenings spent playing catch in the leaves. And don’t get us started on the smell of their pillow….

15. You dream of all the ways you can take care of them more than you dream of all the ways you want them to take care of you.

16. You never don’t want to listen to them – even when they sing Motown absolutely terribly in the shower.

17. When you do fight — it’s part of loving someone — you truly don’t want to be mad at them. You don’t talk badly about them after it’s resolved either because you know their actions came from a good place.

18. As if it’s even possible, you find them to be even cuter when they are sleeping. (I promise this isn’t creepy…)

19. They can come at you with anything — news, secrets, maybe even a baseball bat — and you won’t judge or hate them for it.

20. You wake up happy if only because you get to see them that day.

21. Neither of you think about Channing Tatum during sex.